questions, comments, moans, or groans. /// for when you're feeling down
hi, i'm slutmuffin and i like a lot of things, but mainly writing about my lover. i used to take a lot of pictures but now i don't. i used to live in san francisco but now i don't. i like good music, art and awesome food.
Eliza Cummings: In the Red - Dazed & Confused by Ruth Hogben, June 2013
sara and i fight, and its been a full fifteen months of good times and soft kisses but also sprinkled fights throughout. cause its hard and i say it all the time and i cant and dont expect the both of us to be mature adults always and i think its a naive assumption that well-put-together, responsible couples don’t fight because despite every single fight - and let me tell you, theres been quite a few lately - i love her. i love her to the point where it isn’t even love anymore its just necessity and not even that but something more. i love her and i could do without her just fine. i’m not with her because of any purely selfish reason or because i dont like being alone, i’m with her because i love her and i know she loves me and when we’re together its dynamite and the night tide, both.
i know, i know, i go on about it all the time and its just….she’s so hurt and so emotionally unprepared for things like she lacks maturity in that aspect where she has too much of it everywhere else. sometimes (lately) i just get so fed up that i really just say “grow up” because thats what it is. i think not being able to make up your mind is something very childish like one second you want ice cream but the next you want chocolate - and thats a poor example so sorry if it doesn’t reflect well - and i want to fcuking leave cause i’m a grown up you know. i’m trying to be a grown up, i’m trying so hard. all the fighting and negative bullshit is not for me anymore and i’m learning when to just say stop and lower my voice and say everything is gonna be okay and i’ll stick with you if you tell me you’ll think about what i’m asking you to think about. i don’t deserve any of this shit. i’ve been through my fair share of things which is why i don’t like putting sara through any tough situations cause she deserves it even less and i know that and i think sometimes she undermines how much i actually know and sometimes it just feels like she doesn’t try. this is very journal-entry-like and fcuk off if you mind it i’m trying to understand a lot of things right now.
the end of the summer will be very telling.
"Do you really love me? means, Will you accept me in process? Will you embrace what is different about me and applaud my efforts to become? Can I just be human, strong and vibrant some days, weak and frail on others? Will you love me even when I disappoint you?"
Angela Thomas (via in-finitus)